WWE Vintage Collection Report: October 30th 2011
By Shaun Best-Rajah.com Reporter
Hosted by: Jack Korpela
Cops, clowns, musicians and tax collectors are on hand this week, as we take a look back at superstars who held jobs not associated with sports entertainment. Let’s begin!
WWF Superstars: July 20th 1996
The Goon vs Dan Jesser
The Goon was based on a former hockey player who was kicked out of every league he ever participated in. The character was just one of a host of jobbers with gimmicks brought into the WWF around this time. Allegedly, Chris Jericho turned down a low end offer to take on the role. Instead, former World Class Championship wrestler Bill Irwin took on the gimmick. The Goon enters to generic NBA/NHL music, while we take a look at several pre-tapes of Goon’s shenanigans on the ice against WWF staff masquerading as hockey players. Jesser looks reminiscent of Rob Van Dam, with long brown hair and wearing a wacky coloured singlet. The Goon comes out of the box, mauling and trash talking Jesser, who gets in a couple of battering rams and some arm work. Goon hits a running knee in the corner to regain control and yells at referee Earl Hebner to make Jesser “play.” Goon sends Jesser to the floor, where he takes him out from behind with a tackle called the cross-check for the countout victory. Winner: THE GOON. The gimmick didn’t last long and the Goon was ejected from the WWF just a short time later, although he did return for Battle Royals at WrestleMania 17 and the Raw 15th Anniversary show.
WWF In Your House – Mind Games: September 22nd 1996
Mark Henry vs Jerry “The King” Lawler
Before he was “Sexual Chocolate” and the “World’s Strongest Man,” Mark Henry was a former Olympic weightlifter, who, as trumpeted by Vince McMahon had signed a “ten year contract,” with the WWF. Decked out in a stars and stripes outfit, Henry had drew the ire of Jerry Lawler who promised Henry would “rue the day he steps inside a wrestling ring.” Lawler tries and fails to budge the immoveable object, taking a press slam and spill to the floor. Lawler pulls something out of his tights, but Henry shakes it off, and mauls Lawler in the corner. Henry stops Lawler from leaving and makes him submit after a backbreaker across his shoulder. Winner: MARK HENRY. Leif Cassidy, Marty Jannetty and Hunter Hearst Helmsley all fail with post match assaults, with Henry press slamming Helmsley and dumping him on top of the New Rockers. Henry would soon take a year off to recover from injury and would return as part of the Nation of Domination.
Irwin R. Schyster talks taxes from the comfort of his own office, threatening late payers, while promising if he gets wind of anyone trying to find a loophole, he’ll see to it that the loophole gets tightened around their neck.
WWF Superstars: July 2nd 1994
Irwin R. Schyster vs Doink The Clown w/Dink
Irwin outwrestles Doink on the mat and applies an abdominal stretch. Dink’s protests at Irwin holding onto the ropes for extra leverage fall on deaf ears. Doink comes back with a flying clothesline and suplex. Doink irish whips Irwin around the ring, but charges into a backelbow. Irwin reaches for his case, but Dink has confiscated it. Irwin sneaks up on Dink from the other side of the ring. Doink comes to the rescue with a double sledge off the apron. Dink goes under the ring with the case. Doink nearly wins it with a belly-to-belly suplex, before IRS counters a slam into a small package for the 1-2-3. Dink gives IRS his case back, but he’s booby trapped it with a fireball, which gives Irwin a fright when he opens it. IRS wins the match, but the clowns get the last laugh. Winner: IRWIN R. SCHYSTER.
Ahead of a match with the Mountie, the Big Boss Man talks about how he’s law and order in the WWF. Boss Man takes the Mountie to task for being a bad example of a law enforcer and for jumping him along with “trashy friends” such as the Nasty Boys and Jimmy Hart. After the gang jumped him and, as he was being shocked by Mountie’s “5,000 volt shock stick,” and “portable electrc chair,” Boss Man says his life flashed before his eyes, along with every man he’s ever brought to justice. Boss Man states that the Mountie has broken the law and is now on his most wanted list. Boss Man promises to bring Mountie to justice, and will make him serve hard time!
WWF House Show: June 3rd 1991
Big Boss Man vs The Mountie
We join the match in progress. Boss Man spikes himself in the ropes after missing a top rope dive. Mountie works over the throat area with punches, then lands a flying backelbow. Boss Man comes back to win a slugfest and nails a big splash. Instead of scoring the pin, Boss Man opts to punch Mountie out of the ring. Mountie grabs his shock stick and stuns Boss Man (minus the sound effects) to get the 1-2-3. Winner: THE MOUNTIE. The Mountie continues to shock the froth out of the Boss Man after the bell, then grabs the mic to declare he’s the only law and order and reminds the fans who he is. This would lead to the memorable Jailhouse match between the two just two months later at SummerSlam, where Boss Man would get his revenge, sending Mountie to prison for the night.
Now it’s time to witness a crime, as Repo Man opens a lady’s garage and reveals she’s three days late on her car payments. Repo states, “that’s no lady, that’s a car thief,” then declares what’s his is his, but if anyone’s late on any payment, then what’s theirs is his too. The lady in question lets out a scream as she turns on the lights and discovers what’s going on, but Repo tells her to “pay up, or shut up,” then drives off. This was absolutely hilarious to watch. Barry Darsow played the Repo Man character to perfection, in such an over-the-top way, that you couldn’t help but laugh.
WWF Prime Time Wrestling: March 16th 1992
Repo Man vs Superfly Jimmy Snuka
Snuka has the match in hand until the sneaky Repo Man thwarts a backbodydrop with a shot to the throat. Repo sneaks around Snuka to deliver a back suplex. Repo applies a chinlock and attacks the back of Snuka’s neck. Snuka ducks a clothesline, only to take a knee to the gut. Head rams in the corner wake Snuka up as he comes back with a cross body from the second rope. Repo takes over in the corner, only to miss a charge. Snuka nails a back suplex, heads up top, but misses a senton splash. Jimmy’s mistake is costly as Repo simply picks the bones and covers Snuka for the 1-2-3. Winner: REPO MAN. Repo unhooks his tow rope from the top rope and scurries away to the back. This would mark the end of Snuka’s full time WWF career, while Repo was also jobbed out over the next year.
Double J Jeff Jarrett along with a bald lackey encounters a saxophonist called Waldo the Country Sax whilst out somewhere in Nashville. Jeff says neither of them have had a break, but brags that he’s the greatest musician that ever lived and will get his break by using the WWF to get to the top. When he’s done, they’ll rename it the JJF. Jeff says he won’t be like Waldo playing on the corner, but Waldo can come and play a set or two with the Double J band. Jarrett asks his bald lackey to give Waldo a dollar, then tells him to not forget where it came from, spelling out J-E-F-F J-A-R-R-E-T-T. Waldo treats us to a brief solo of his saxophone, before we link to today’s Main Event.
WWF Monday Night Raw: December 5th 1994
Double J Jeff Jarrett w/The Roadie vs The British Bulldog
Roadie is making his TV debut in Jarrett’s corner, but is yet to be identified. Bulldog escapes a series of side headlock takedowns and gets the better of a shove exchange. Bulldog counters a backbodydrop with a delayed suplex, which prompts Jarrett into calling a timeout on the floor. Back inside, Bulldog bounces Jarrett’s head off the top turnbuckle. Jarrett manages to crotch Bulldog as he goes high risk. Jarrett lands a superplex, then utilises several chinlocks and delivers a flying sledge from the top rope.
Bulldog piggybacks Jarrett into the corner to escape a sleeper. Jarrett comes back with a running bulldog, but sees his abdominal stretch effort countered into a crucifix pin for two. Bulldog goes close once more with a fisherman suplex. Bulldog catches Jarrett with an inverted atomic drop, backbodydrop and several running clotheslines. Jarrett goes to leave, so Bulldog presses him over his shoulders, walks back to the ring and tosses Jarrett through the ropes. Roadie grabs Bulldog’s leg from underneath the ring to stop him from re-entering and the Bulldog gets counted out. Roadie quickly appears on the opposite side of the ring to help Jarrett celebrate his cheap victory. Winner: DOUBLE J JEFF JARRETT.
To quote good ol’ J.R, this show was littered with characters as goofy as a pet coon, but was still entertaining for the most part. Personal favourites have to be the Mountie and Repo Man.
Mean Gene returns next week along with a brand new theme.
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