WWE Raw Report (03/12/12) – Cleveland, Ohio

WWE Raw 03/12
We are live in: Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler

Raw intro starts.

Cut to the arena. Jerry Lawler is standing in the ring.

He says tonight will be the first ever “Rock and Rap Concert” on Raw, here in the shadow of the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland, Ohio. There have been heated arguments between Cena and The Rock, but tonight each man will have a chance to express themselves in their own words. So let’s get started with some thuganomics!

John Cena comes out to his old “Basic Thuganomics” entrance music from 2003. He also wore attire similar to what he used to wear at that time, including a Cleveland Cavaliers jersey. He enters the ring and grabs a microphone.

Cena’s Rap:

Rock wanted me to write his song tonight
But I would never be his mouthpiece.
Cause Rock’s like Lebron James
He took his talents straight down to South Beach.

And for the past few weeks
Rock’s been legitimately pissed.
If you get stuck singing your song tonight, Rock
It’s all in the wrist.

Could we please have a week
Where you don’t come out here and choke?
You may be G.I. Joe this summer
Right now you’re a G.I. joke.

Ever since I opened my mouth about you
You’ve been begging me to back off.
So if Rock and Dwayne are the same person
I think you’re both are jackoffs.

And after April 1st
You won’t be making no more movies.
You’re going to need surgery on your face
Just like you had it on your boobies.

Team “Bring It”? He’s Team “Lost It”
And the truth is getting scary.
Cause they weren’t chanting Rocky last week
They were chanting “Tooth Fairy”

Keep making fun of this Fruity Pebble, Rock
Cause I ain’t even close to sick of it.
I’m Mr. Kung Pow Chicken
You just Miami fried “s**tken”

And no, I don’t have balls
But i’ve got something in their place.
I’m gonna beat your ass at WrestleMania
And put my nuts dead in your face.

Cena holds up a bag of nuts and tosses it into the camera. He then exits the ring and heads to the back, but not before giving a “Word Life” gesture.

Later tonight, Rock’s Rock Concert. Also later tonight, Shawn Michaels and The Undertaker confront each other.

Back at ringside, Vickie Guerrero comes out. She would like to point out that she thinks Daylight Savings should be illegal. Why? Because the world would be deprived of one whole hour of the presence of this man.

Dolph Ziggler comes out. He heads to the ring along with Vickie for his match.

Sheamus comes out next. He heads into the ring as Dolph’s opponent.

Match #1

[Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler]
[Singles Match]

The bell sounds. They circle each other. Sheamus goes for a tie up, but Dolph slips behind Sheamus and shows off to the fans. They tie up again, but again Dolph gets behind him and pushes him back. Sheamus gets fed up and kicks Dolph in the gut. He then snapmares Dolph to the mat. He drives his forearm across Dolph’s face and gets a two count. He tries again for a one count. Sheamus gets Dolph back up. Ziggler shoves Sheamus into the ropes, but Sheamus knocks him down with a shoulder bump. Sheamus picks Dolph up and hits another snapmare takedown. He applies a headlock and gets another one count. Dolph gets back up again. Dolph leans Sheamus into the ropes and punches and kicks at him. Dolph with a whip, but Sheamus counters, throws Ziggler into the ropes and knocks him down with an elbow. Ziggler rolls into the apron. Sheamus picks him up and goes for the clubbing blows to the chest, but Dolph slips out of the ring to avoid it.

-Commercial Break-

Back from break, and Sheamus has clotheslines Ziggler who is back in the ring. Sheamus applies an armlock submission. Dolph gets to his feet, leans Sheamus against the ropes and lands a few punches to the chest. He whips, but Sheamus counters and bumps him down. Sheamus off the ropes, Ziggler leapfrogs over him. On the return Ziggler goes for an arm drag, but Sheamus counters it into an arm drag of his own that sends Dolph back out of the ring. Sheamus exits the ring to go after him, but Dolph slips under the ring to hide from him. Sheamus questions Vickie about where he is. Ziggler slips back out from under the ring, charges Sheamus from behind and dropkicks him down. Dolph then grabs Sheamus and tosses him shoulder first into the announce table. The referee starts counting them out. Ziggler enters the ring first, and Sheamus does a few counts later. Ziggler catches Sheamus with kicks to the head followed by punches to the face. He covers for a one count. Ziggler grabs Sheamus and hits a neckbreaker for another one count. Ziggler grabs Sheamus and applies a sleeper hold submission.

We cut to the skybox section of the arena. Josh Matthews is with World Champion Daniel Bryan and his girlfriend AJ who are watching the show.

Josh tells Bryan that some members of their audience are very upset with his rude comments towards AJ last week on Smackdown when he asked her to shut up.

Bryan asks what he’s talking about. He would never say anything to upset AJ. How dare he, or anyone else, judge their relationship.

He asks AJ if he was rude to her.

AJ says he wasn’t.

Josh tries to continue by asking about Sheamus.

Bryan says that the interview is over. He doesn’t care what Josh thinks, or what anyone else thinks. AJ loves him, and the feeling is mutual.

Back in the ring, Ziggler still has the sleeper on Sheamus. Sheamus fights it by getting back to his feet and driving Ziggler back first into the mat. Sheamus and Ziggler are slow to get up. Ziggler tries to attack first, but Sheamus catches him with running forearms followed by a clothesline into the turnbuckle corner. Sheamus lifts up Ziggler and hits a powerslam for a two count. Sheamus signals for the Celtic Cross. He goes for it, but Ziggler slips out of it, punches Sheamus away, and runs the ropes. Sheamus catches him with a flapjack slam for a two count. Ziggler goes to the apron. Sheamus grabs him, but Ziggler quickly snaps his neck against the top rope. Dolph makes his way up the turnbuckle and looks for a cross body, but Sheamus catches him. He goes for the Irish Curse backbreaker, but Dolph counters into a crucifix pin for a two count. Sheamus rolls back to his feet while still holding Dolph. It looks like he’s going for the Celtic Cross, but Sheamus instead tosses Dolph to the mat and covers him for a two count. He picks Ziggler up and punches him in the head a couple times. He then whips Dolph into the turnbuckle. He runs towards him, and Ziggler steps aside causing Sheamus to hit the post. Ziggler catches Sheamus with a legdrop bulldog and covers for a two count. Sheamus gets up. Dolph gets up. Dolph turns and gets a Brogue Kick to the face. Sheamus covers for the three count.

[Winner via Pinfall: Sheamus]

We get a reaction shot of Bryan looking down at Sheamus.

Back in the ring, Sheamus celebrates his win.

Earlier today on WWE.com, the WWE Board of Directors announced that two teams representing the two General Managers, will compete in a twelve man tag team match at WrestleMania. The winning team’s General Manager will run both Raw and Smackdown.

-Commercial Break-

Back from break, and we get a replay of last week on Smackdown when Teddy Long face John Laurinaitis one on one. Long got the win by rolling up Laurinaitis after Randy Orton and Kane caused the distraction.

Back at ringside, John Laurinaitis heads down to the ring. He goes over to the announce table and sits with Lawler and Cole.

United States Champion Santino Marella comes out with Aksana for a mixed tag team match. Santino is announced as the captain of “Team Teddy Long.”

A replay is shown of when Santino won the United States Championship from Jack Swagger last week on Raw, and when he retained it in a steel cage rematch on Smackdown.

David Otunga comes out as their opponent. He heads to the ring and is announced as the official captain of “Team Laurinaitis”.

Laurinaitis interrupts the announcements.

He says that he’s still General Manager of Raw, and that he has changed his mind. This won’t be a mixed tag team match. Instead it will be a handicap match. Please welcome David Otunga’s partner.

Mark Henry comes out. He heads to the ring as Otunga’s partner for this sudden handicap match.

Match #2

[David Otunga & Mark Henry vs. Santino Marella]
[Handicap Match]

The bell sounds. Teddy Long comes out from backstage and heads down to ringside. He walks over to Aksana and helps her down. During the distraction, Otunga attacks Santino from behind and drives him into the turnbuckle. He throws a few punches and then clotheslines him against the turnbuckle. Meanwhile, Long and Laurinaitis start arguing again. Laurinaitis gets in his face, and Teddy shoves him into his chair causing Laurinaitis to fall. Santino is fighting off Otunga with punches to the face. Otunga tries for a clothesline, but Santino does the splits and catches him with a hip toss. Henry is able to tag in before Otunga gets off the ropes. Santino takes out the cobra sock, and looks ready to give The Cobra to Otunga, but Henry enters the ring and pulls Santino’s arm back. He drops Santino with a headbutt. Otunga gets on the apron while Henry lifts Santino up and hits the World’s Strongest Slam on him for the three count.

[Winners via Pinfall: David Otunga & Mark Henry]

Henry picks Santino back up and holds his arms back while Otunga slaps him and taunts him. Kofi Kingston enters the ring and goes right after Henry, but Henry headbutts him back. Otunga clotheslines Kingston. Henry grabs Kofi and hits the World’s Strongest Slam on him. R-Truth comes out next. He slides in, but Otunga catches him with punches to the head. Henry grabs him and headbutts him down. He then whips Truth into Otunga. Otunga grabs Truth and hits Verdict. Henry catches Truth with a splash. Truth, Kofi, and Santino are all laid out. Laurinaitis enters the ring.

He announces that Mark Henry is the newest member of Team Laurinaitis.

Laurinaitis, Otunga and Henry celebrate in the ring while Teddy and Aksana look on from the ramp.

We get a video promoting an episode of USA’s Psych that guest stars The Miz.

A replay is shown of Cena’s rap earlier today. The Rock Concert is later tonight.

-Commercial Break-

Back from break, and we get an interview with the WWE Divas The Bella Twins and Alicia Fox with Extra’s Maria Menounos.

Backstage, Eve is walking down the hallway when Zack Ryder walks over to her.

Zack says that last week, when she kissed him, he felt something he never felt before in his life. He hopes she felt the same way. But he’s a little confused. She’s not responding to his calls, or his messages on Twitter. She’s not trying to play him, is she?

She says she’s not playing him. He’s playing himself. But let’s be friends…with benefits.

Zack agrees, and they plan for dinner.

Beth Phoenix interrupts them by saying that she, the WWE Divas Champion, should’ve been on Extra with the other divas. That perky Maria Menounos wants to keep showing up all over WWE, well it’s time she paid her a visit on Extra.

Eve says that’s not a bad idea. She then asks Zack if he doesn’t mind…

Zack gets the message and walks off, but not before reminding her about that dinner date.

Beth says she’s been meaning to tell Eve how much she admires the way she pulls Zack’s string. It’s not like she couldn’t wrap him around her little pinkie too, but she wouldn’t mind, right?

She says she would mind and walks off.

Meanwhile, in Laurinaitis’ office, John’s on the phone while Miz approaches him.

Miz says he was wondering, since he retained the WWE Championship at WrestleMania 27 not once but twice, when he was going to make him a member of Team Laurinaitis.

Laurinaitis hangs up the phone.

He says that he was on the phone with a member of the Board of Directors. What is he thinking?

Miz says that’s good, because he has someone he wants him to meet. The star of Psych, James Roday.

James approaches John and shake hands with him.

Miz asks John if he knows who the co-star is this week.

Laurinaitis says he bets he’s going to tell him.

Miz says he is. Laurinaitis needs that kind of star power on his team. James was also wondering why Miz is not in WrestleMania. What excuse could he possibly have?

Laurinaitis says he has a match tonight, and he’ll make it simple. If he wins, he’s in.

Miz accepts and leaves.

Laurinaitis asks James if he’ll guest announce the match.

James says he’s going to “Fink it up and Fink it out”.

Miz comes back and asks who his opponent is going to be.

Laurinaitis says WWE Champion CM Punk.

Miz leaves again looking annoyed.

Laurinaitis asks James what he thinks his chances are.

James acts like he’s going into a psychic trance, but gives up and admits he’s just play acting.

Up next, “Funkasaurus” Brodus Clay is back, and he’s up next!

-Commercial Break-

We’re back, and Jinder Mahal is heading into the ring. he puts his turban in a display case and enters the ring.

Brodus Clay comes out with his dancers and heads to the ring as his opponent.

Match #3

[Brodus Clay vs. Jinder Mahal]
[Singles Match]

Jinder attacks Brodus from behind at the start of the bell. He gets in a knee to the gut. Jinder charges and Brodus gets in a headbutt to the chest followed by a T-Bone suplex. Brodus with a running splash for the three count.

[Winner via Pinfall: Brodus Clay]

Brodus celebrates by dancing in the ring.

Backstage, Shawn Michaels is heading to the ring. He and Undertaker’s confrontation is up next.

-Commercial Break-

Back from break, and we see Machine Gun Kelly, the rapper who wrote “Invincible”, one of WrestleMania’s theme songs, in the crowd.

Shawn Michaels comes out. He heads to the ring and grabs a microphone.

He says in three weeks, Triple H and Undertaker will be locked inside Hell in a Cell at WrestleMania, and it will truly be the end of an era. Last week, he told his good buddy that he was the special referee for the match. As best he could tell, that was information he wasn’t aware of. Strangely though, he also got information he wasn’t aware of.

We get a clip of Triple H saying he’s sick of people saying he’s a failure and a loser. He’s going to do what everyone runs their mouth and says he couldn’t do, and that’s end the streak. He’s gonna do it for himself, and just as much, he’ll do it for Shawn.

Shawn says that’s the word on the street, but he’s walked around the locker room, and nobody has walked up to him and called him a loser. Nobody has called him a failure, and he assures that nobody has implied he couldn’t get the job done. He admits that there has been one person absent the past couple weeks, but thankfully he is here tonight, and we can get this out of the way. Undertaker, let’s settle this!

Undertaker comes out. He heads to the ring and stands face to face with Michaels.

Michaels says that after twenty plus years of sharing the same locker room, even when they were on opposites ends, they had the utmost respect for each other. And in the last couple years of his career, they did something that people will remember for all time. Something that will stand the test of time. They did it, but yet he of all people, to say things behind his back, he figured that he would at least have the guts to say it to his face.

Undertaker wonders what he wants him to say. That he’s a failure? A loser? Or that he couldn’t get the job done? He thinks he needs to stop and think. Is he repeating his words, or maybe he’s repeating the words chosen for him by his good friend Triple H. Whatever the case, he needs to let his little insecurities-

HIS insecurities? Shawn says he practically begged for this match. He sits at 19-0 and he STILL thinks he has something to prove. He’s searching for validation. Know why? Because they both know that Triple H beat him within an inch of his life. That’s why he told him that he knows who’s going to win.

Taker says that whatever happens at WrestleMania, if he wins, or if he should lose, he’s prepared to accept the outcome. But what he’s not prepared to accept is him sticking his ego into this. Their two matches, and the match last year with Triple H, has all been destiny. And on April 1st, that destiny will happen. It will be the end of an era. What can’t happen is for the outcome, win or lose, to not be…pure. If the outcome isn’t pure, he promises him that there will be Hell to pay.

Shawn says he calls this “destiny”. He looks at it as irony. Isn’t it ironic that the guy whose career he ended, could quite possibly be the guy who counts his shoulders to the mat? Isn’t it ironic that he could be the guy who turns Taker into a loser, into a failure, and show that he couldn’t get it done? Isn’t it ironic that he could be the guy to possibly end the streak?

Shawn goes to leave, but Taker grabs him.

He will beat Triple H in the cell. The streak will continue, and he will officially end an era. But if he doesn’t do the right thing, he will officially end him.

Shawn backs away from him. Shawn looks tempted to go toe to toe one more time, but he instead pats Taker on the arm and exits the ring. Taker is left standing in the ring watching Shawn leave.

Triple H appears at the top of the ramp. He and Shawn stare at each other, and then back at Undertaker. Michaels leaves. Triple H looks back at Undertaker for a moment, smirks, and gives him the DX chop before heading to the back.

Later tonight, CM Punk takes on The Miz.

-Commercial Break-

Back from break, we get a replay of the tag match last week on Raw when Jericho pinned Punk with a small package.

James Roday comes out and heads to the ring to announce the participants of the next match.

The Miz comes out first. He heads to the ring and steps inside.

WWE Champion CM Punk comes out next as his opponent. He enters the ring.

Match #4

[CM Punk vs. The Miz]
[Singles Match]

The bell sounds. Miz and Punk grapple. Miz gets behind and rolls Punk up for a one count. Punk kicks Miz in the legs, spin kicks him in the gut. He runs and Miz catches him with a knee to the gut that takes Punk down.

-Commercial Break-

Back, and Miz has Punk in an abdominal stretch submission. Punk counters and toss Miz to the mat. Punk gets on the apron. Miz goes after him and Punk kicks him in the head. He then gets on the top turnbuckle and connects with a top rope clothesline. Punk with another clothesline followed by a swinging neckbreaker. Miz at the turnbuckle, and Punk hits a running knee to the face followed by a running bulldog. Punk goes for the GTS, but Miz punches out of it. Miz off the ropes, and Punk catches him with a dropkick for a two count. Punk runs at Miz, but Miz flapjacks him into the turnbuckle pad and plants the DDT for another two count. Miz lands a few blows to the face until the referee holds him back. Miz climbs to the top. Punk gets up. Miz leaps, Punk ducks and goes for GTS. Miz slips out of it and goes for Skull Crushing Finale, but Punk snapmares Miz down and applies the Anaconda Vice submission. Miz taps and Punk gets the win.

[Winner via Submission: CM Punk]

Punk gets up to celebrate, but Jericho suddenly appears on the Titantron and interrupts him. Jericho starts clapping.

Way to go, Punk! Congrats on the big win! Enjoy them while he can. He can smirk if he want to, but he sees straight through him. When he looks at him he sees a fraud. He’s not talking about the fact that he calls himself the best in the world, he’s talking about himself as a person. He did a little research this week. He found out a deep, dirty, dark secret about him. He’s been straight edge ever since he came to the WWE, but he never explained why. He wants to tell all these people why he’s straight edge. He’s straight edge because his father is an alcoholic. That’s right. His father was an alcoholic who let him down every step of the way when he was growing up, and that terrifies him. He doesn’t want to end up like him, but it’s inevitable that he will. Alcohol is in his blood. It’s in his genes. It’s part of who he is, and that tortures him. He’s built this facade, this wall that he’s a sarcastic antihero with not a care in the world, but he thinks he found something that he cares about. He found something that gives him nightmares. That terrifies him. Isn’t it ironic that the very alcohol that he craves is the same thing that ruined his childhood? The nightmares he must have about his father, he almost feels bad for him.

Is that the reason why he has all those tattoos? Was the pain of wanting to drink so bad that he wanted the pain of a tattoo needle to take it out of his mind? Was it his only solace? It doesn’t matter, because he’s going to drink eventually, and he’s going to be the one who makes him drink. At WrestleMania 28, he’s going to take away his title, his claim of being the best in the world, and his bravado, and he’s going to leave him a broken man. He’s going to hit bottom, and when he does he will embrace his destiny and take a drink. And it’s going to taste so good that he’ll want to take another one, and another one, and another one. After April 1st, he’s going to be recognized for who he is: the undisputed best in the world and the new WWE Champion. And he’s going to be recognized for who he is, who his father was: a pathetic, damn drunk!

Punk looks as distraught as we’ve ever seen him. He looks down at his title belt he dropped on the mat, picks it back up, and slowly exits the ring, his emotions shown across his face. He holds a hand up against the camera and walks to the back.

-Commercial Break-

We’re back, and Randy Orton comes out. He heads to the ring for a match.

Jack Swagger, his opponent, is already in the ring.

We get a clip from two weeks ago when Kane first attacked Randy Orton on Smackdown followed by a week later when Orton attacked Kane on Raw.

Match #5

[Randy Orton vs. Jack Swagger]
[Singles Match]

The bell sounds. Swagger gets behind Orton and takes him down. He then hits a fireman’s carry and applies an arm lock. Orton gets back up and fireman carries Swagger. He then kicks his arm and leg, gets him up and dropkicks him. He picks Swagger up and tosses him out of the ring. Orton exits the ring, grabs Swagger and whips him into the steel steps. He then grabs Swagger and slams his head against the announce table a couple times. He tosses him back into the ring. Orton takes a moment to look around the crowd for any sign of Kane.

-Commercial Break-

Back from break, and Swagger has Orton in an arm lock, but Orton fights out of it. He whips Swagger into the turnbuckle. Swagger with a boot to the face followed by a chop to the leg for a two count. Swagger grabs Orton’s leg and pulls against it. He applies a couple leg based submissions in preparation for the ankle lock. Orton pulls Swagger by the hair and punches him off. Orton gets up, Swagger grabs him and scoop slams Orton. Swagger backs up, runs and goes for the Swagger Bomb, but Orton rolls out of the way. Orton goes over to grab Swagger, but Swagger grabs Orton’s leg and applies the ankle lock. Orton turns on his back and kicks Swagger off of him. Both men are up. Swagger runs over to Orton. Orton back body drops Swagger onto the apron. Randy turns and drives Swagger’s neck against the ropes. He then gets Swagger up the top rope and hits a superplex. Orton gets up and clotheslines Swagger twice before hitting the powerslam. Swagger rolls to the apron and Orton connects with the second rope DDT. Orton sets up for the RKO and hits it. He covers for the three count.

[Winner via Pinfall: Randy Orton]

Orton goes to celebrate, but then red pyro shoots up from the turnbuckles and the lights dim red. Orton looks around for Kane but can’t find him. With no sight of Kane, Orton is left looking paranoid.

Another clip of Cena’s rap to Rock plays.

Up next, The Rock Concert!

-Commercial Break-

We’re back from our final break of the night. The Rock comes out and heads to the ring with a guitar in his hand. He enters the ring and grabs a microphone.

FINALLY, the Rock has come back…to Cleveland!

Rock says he wants them to keep it going. Before The Rock Concert starts, he’s proud to say that they’ve broken a record. Tonight is the largest sell-out crowd in the WWE, right here in
Cleveland! Thank you!

Rock shows his goose bumps to the camera.

For that record, he appreciates the Rocky chants, but they should chant “Cleveland”.

A Cleveland chant starts.

Speaking of selling out, anyone see his boy Marky Mark-Erm, John Cena come out here tonight? He came out here, had a chain, a lock, his hat was…what does that even mean? That was funny. That guy who came out wasn’t John Cena. The John Cena we all know is the guy who, for the past eight years, looks like what would happen if Vanilla Ice banged a Teletubbie. Guess he wanted some of that “teletang”.

Rock shows a picture of Vanilla Ice, a purple Teletubbie, and John Cena in a purple shirt.

Rock says the thing on the left got freaky with the thing in the middle, and then out popped John Cena. But this isn’t about some two minute rap. This is about something special.

Rock sits down and has a drink of water before grabbing his guitar.

Tonight isn’t about some two minute rap, because everybody knows that Cleveland…Rocks.

The lights dim. Rock plays his guitar.

The Rock’s Song

Warden threw a party and he spent some bucks
Didn’t invite Cena cause he totally sucks
Cena starting rapping, it all went south
Know your role, Jabroni and shut your mouth!

Let’s Rock. Everybody let’s rock.
Cena’s got a menstrual clock
But we’re dancing cause Cleveland rocks.

Little Fruity Pebble from Newbury, Mass
Rock will take his boot and shove it up his ass
Bet you’re all happy you’re listening to me
And not some goofy Eminem wannabe.

Let’s Rock. Everybody let’s Rock.
Ain’t no balls down in Cena’s jock.
But we’re dancing cause Cleveland rocks.

Rock pauses and the fans are going nuts for him.

He asks if they want to hear a true story. He’s got the inside scoop on Cena’s doctor. He visited the doctor last week, and it goes like this.

Little Johnny Cena went to the Doc
Rock punched his jaw and the pain wouldn’t stop
Doc says “Cena, you know i’m a fan
But please stop begging for that rectal exam.”

Let’s Rock. Everybody let’s Rock.
Cena, close up that smock.
But we’re dancing cause Cleveland rocks.

The Rock asks if they wanna hear a little gossip. It’s a true story about Cena and Eve. This is what they didn’t see on Raw, but Rock saw it.

Rock saw Cena making out with Eve
Grabbing on her thigh, tugging on her weave
Cena was having the time of his life
I guess he didn’t tell her that he’s got a wife!

Let’s Rock. Everybody let’s Rock.
Divorce lawyer’s right up the block.
But we’re dancing cause Cleveland rocks.

He guesses it slipped his mind while he was slipping her the tongue. He’s got a little ditty about the day John Cena was born. True story. These are all true stories.

April 23rd, 1979
The Doctor shouted “send that baby back to Heaven!”
Sorry mama Cena, but check these charts
Little baby Johnny’s got lady parts!

Let’s Rock. Everybody let’s Rock.
Little Johnny’s got them lady parts.
But we’re dancing cause Cleveland rocks.

He told them they were going to have fun tonight. Just out of curiosity, are there any grown men, real men, who are John Cena fans?

Most boo.

Wow. No one? No, he sees one. One’s over there. There’s another. Listen, he’s not gonna mess with them. It’s hard enough being them. Actually, should he mess with these guys? Okay. This song’s especially for them and all the grown men who are Cena fans.

Doesn’t really matter how hard you try
Never in your life will you ever taste “pie”
You know you love Chewbacca, and Frodo too
But you’re a walking virgin and you’re 42!

Let’s Rock. Everybody let’s Rock.
You dress like Kirk and Spock.
But we’re dancing cause Cleveland rocks.

Where are the ladies in the house tonight? The Rock and the ladies have a special connection. He loves the ladies. There’s a very special lady he wants to sing to. She’s watching at home. Very special woman, this one’s for her, and he’ll be seeing her tonight.

Rock’s getting some wine, and a dozen roses.
She’s going to meet my “Holy Moses”
Getting with the Rock is the bomb
You don’t believe me? Ask Cena’s mom!

Let’s Rock. Everybody let’s Rock.
Cena’s mom can barely walk.
But we’re dancing cause Cleveland rocks!

One more time!

Cena’s mom can barely walk.
But we’re dancing cause Cleveland rocks!

Rock puts his guitar away and the fans cheer for him.

That’s what he’s talking about, but there’s only one way to end the Rock Concert, and this song is for the people. This song is for Team Bring It! It’s for the MILLIONS (and millions!) of Rock’s fans. Cleveland, they broke a record, and this is their anthem. But Rock’s not singing alone, they’re ALL singing this song. And it goes like this!

“We Will Rock You” by Queen starts playing.

Rock and the fans start to sing the song with an occasion “Cena Sucks” chant.

Rock add his own lyrics to the song, and then adds:

Cleveland, we broke a record. “Team Bring It” worldwide.
We’re going to WrestleMania, kicking John Cena’s ass
in the biggest match of all time!


Rock stands at the turnbuckle and soaks in the fans as the show comes to an end.