The John Report: The Raw Deal for 02/22/10 (Three WM26 Matches Announced)

The John Report: The Raw Deal for 02/22/10 (Three WM26 Matches Announced)
Welcome to the Raw Deal. Before we start, you can read my Elimination Chamber recap here that I posted late Sunday night and then you can click here to read some thoughts from Monday about the Undertaker’s jacket being caught on fire among other things.

Note: If you’re looking for Commentfest you can find it by clicking RIGHT HERE. I posted it as of Tuesday at 8pmET.

Live from Indianapolis, Indiana this is the Raw Deal…

After the typical videos, we found out there was a mechanical bull in the arena for our guest hosts singer Jewel and her bull riding champion husband Ty Murray. I’m so excited I could eat some beef.

The NEW World Heavyweight Champion…Chris Jericho!
Yes! Best in the world. 10 out of 10 already. End the show right now. It’s perfect with Jericho holding that belt while bragging about it. “I’m going to WrestleMania!” He said it few times. Mentioned beating the Undertaker two times in a row, both of which happened with interference, but let’s not let facts get in the way of a celebration! He said he was the World Heavyweight Champion and right on cue Edge’s music started up. He came in through the crowd (old school) and hit a spear on Jericho. He grabbed the microphone to say Jericho’s going to WrestleMania “against me!” Crowd popped huge for it. Good way to start the show. I look forward to the verbal confrontations that are sure to come.

Next we had John Cena come out. He was angry and actually limping a bit. It’s nice to know that he can sell injuries from being in the ring for ten minutes, yet when he had an I Quit match or the Ironman match he didn’t sell a damn thing the next night. Consistency is all I ask. That’s it. He called out Vince saying he wants a rematch with Batista tonight. McMahon tells us that his deal with Batista was that if he took care of Bret he’d give him a WWE Title match any time he wanted. Vince says no rematch because Sheamus lost his belt too. Instead, Cena has to win his match to get his rematch. Who’s the match against? Batista. How is that fair for Sheamus or am I wrong for even caring? I guess I’m wrong. I admit fault for brain usage! Happy now?

Maryse d. Gail Kim to win the Divas title in the longest 8 person tournament ever (3/4*)
Hey, they actually remembered this? Crazy. They came out working really fast and it didn’t really work. I’m not sure what happened in the middle when Maryse barely moved after not even being hit by anything. I guess they were trying for a double KO spot, but she didn’t even get hit. Weird. Anyway, Gail went for a victory roll type move, but Maryse countered by dropping her on her throat and got the win with the French Kiss DDT. As expected, the crowd was dead for the match. New Divas champ. This division is very thin. Fresh blood is needed fast.

Time for the poorly acted guest host segment as Ty talks to Bellas x2 and Jewel talks to Eve & Kelly as if they are having real discussions. I love those. Jillian came in to sing, she botched a song and you know what was coming. Jewel said she’d be doing a Sharon Osbourne and slapped Jillian. I guess I’m supposed to remember that Sharon slapped Jillian? I don’t. Too much liquor. Sorry. Jillian did make me laugh by wondering why people do that to her. Oh the comedy.

Backstage, Orton talked to Cody about the Baby Oil Boys Club. Cody apologized for Ted, but said he knew it was coming because Ted was obsessed with winning the belt. Orton told him that you should blame him because he hasn’t led the group well enough. He told Cody to tell Ted that he’s sorry. Orton left, Ted asked what happened and Cody told him it went well, too well. Ted wanted to know if they’re sticking to the plan and Cody said “absolutely.” I guess they wanted to beat up Orton if he didn’t get them first.

Kofi Kingston, Yoshi Tatsu & Evan Bourne d. Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes & Ted Dibiase (*1/2)
They mentioned Yoshi signed with Raw as a free agent. That’s nice. They could always use more small guys to lose matches. That means even less time for you, Primo! I was stunned when they went to commercial at a point when both guys were in the ring. Shocking twist! Anything can happen on Raw…even commercial breaks without going to the floor! Orton came in and bodyslammed Kingston many times. If Randy’s face turn takes, he has to dump that chin lock. Please. Orton walked over to his team, Cody tagged himself in and Randy grabbed him by the head, hitting the DDT off the middle ropes. Crowd loved it. He left the ring only to be confronted by Dibiase. RKO for him. Too bad the crowd wasn’t chanting loudly for it. It was a great spot. In ring, Bourne finished off Rhodes with the Air Borne SSP. Holy shit, Evan Bourne won a match! Big news! The segment was great. I love this turn for Orton. It’s making a lot of sense and it’s working very well.

They aired an AWESOME video package on the Michaels/Undertaker saga. Really well done. One of the best video packages I’ve ever seen WWE put together. Don’t worry if you missed it because I’m sure we’ll be seeing it 560 times over the next five weeks. It was fantastic. I even liked the song even though it was questionable at first. The perfect amount of video mixed in with voice work.

Shawn Michaels confronts The Undertaker
Michaels called him out saying he wants the Undertaker to react to Michaels screwing him out of the title the night before. Undertaker came out sporting a very protective vest. I noticed they didn’t shoot the flames up on his entrance until after he passed them. Smart move considering the near accident that happened @ EC. I should point out too that The Undertaker looked VERY orange here. He must have fallen asleep in the tanning bed or something. At the Elimination Chamber PPV he didn’t look tanned at all, yet here it was too much. It was weird seeing all those close-ups of an older orange man in HD. It wasn’t one of those “boy, I’m glad I have HD” kind of deals, ya know? HBK told him that their match last year was nearly perfect except he made a mistake and he can’t live with that. I LOVE super obsessed, serious HBK. Told Taker he left him no choice, but to screw him out of the title. Shawn said you want your revenge, so face me at Mania and get your revenge. Undertaker said he accepts. Cue the staredown. Michaels left except Undertaker wasn’t done. He said Shawn has to put something up, his career. So it’s The Streak vs. The Career. Michaels said fine because if he can’t beat him then his career is over. They did some more staring into eachother’s eyes as the GONG played to end the segment. Really well done. We’ve known this match was happening since late in 2009, but it’s great to know that it’s official now. My prediction is that Undertaker wins the match while HBK looks for another job as a chef in Texas. Anybody hiring? Either way, it won’t be HBK’s last match ever.

Christian was shown walking down the hallway. They said he signed with Raw. I’d rather he be on the Canada Show, Smackdown, with Jericho & Edge. Why do they insist on keeping E&C apart? A reunion would be sweet. Let me mark out, you bastards. They’re my boys. I’d be fine with Christian on Raw if it means longer matches on the show because he’s one of the best workers in the company. I highly doubt the Raw philosophy changes, though. Still, better than being on ECW.

Christian d. Carlito to qualify for Money in the Bank (*1/4)
Prior to the match, they had videos of the NXT rookies that Christian and Carlito are mentoring. That’s cool. I’m excited about the NXT debut tomorrow. To people in WWE that I know are reading this, I will be downloading that show illegally because I’m not watching it at the BRUTAL Saturday night at 3am timeslot that it has here in Ontario. Sorry, not happening. Did anybody think Carlito was winning this? I’m surprised he had his ring gear. He can show you where the production area is, though. Christian won with the Killswitch in about three minutes. The announcers called him the favorite in the Money in the Bank match already, which means he’s not winning. Good to see MITB is still around even though the July PPV is now called Money in the Bank. No, that’s not a big secret. It’s right there on wwe.com on the PPV calendar at the right of the page.

The bull riding segment was next. They had a mechanical bull at the side of the ramp as Ty & Jewel hosted. Eve, Kelly and both Bella Twins at the same time rode the bull for 8 seconds. Nothing says PG like an activity that simulates sex. Insert Batista jokes here. I remember they did this on a Saturday Night’s Main Event before they went PG and the visuals were a lot better. I think I fell in love with Mickie James-Canton a little more that night too. Youtube it. Trust me. The Miz and Big Show came out. They wanted Show to ride the bull. “You want a piece of me?” Yes, he said this to a mechanical bull. Then he acted scared of it. Star of the night just for those two things alone. The bull went faster for him, so he fell off. Oh no, what a loser. Miz said it was a typical guest host segment ending in disappointment just like the Colts in the Super Bowl. That loss still hurts me although more financially rather than emotionally. Big Show ended up KNOCKING THE FUCK OUT~! of the bull…I guess. Anyway, the Indy crowd didn’t like that. They announced Showmiz vs. MVP & Henry for the tag titles up next.

Showmiz d. MVP & Henry (*)
They showed Daniel Bryan~! aka Bryan Danielson watching backstage. I smiled even for that. The best thing about NXT will be Bryan winning that show and feuding with Miz upon his debut. I’m excited for it already. The replay of KOOL-AID~! Smashing into the barricade was great. It was like the explosion of flavor in your mouth when you d rink KOOL AID~! Last week it was non-title, so the champs lost of course. This week it was for the title, so the champs won. It was the Big Show’s KNOCK THE FUCK OUT~! punch on Henry that did it. I love that move.

The announcers told us the guest hosts were great tonight. Yeah, it was great that they were barely on. We also found out that the next Hall of Fame inductee would be Wendi Richter. They are really getting thin in terms of picking people, huh? Then the announcers busted out the SERIOUS VOICES~! to send us to the Bret Hart injury video package. Vince showed up on screen to say he didn’t have anything to do with Bret’s accident last week, character wise. In terms of reality, he had everything to do with such a shitty segment. He wants Bret to come back to Raw next week to give a proper goodbye. I think Bret’s said goodbye more than Ric Flair, Terry Funk and Brett Favre have retired by this point. Anyway, cool to know Bret will be on next week in some capacity.

Speaking of the Hart angle, if you go to the website for the ambulance company that wheeled Bret out last week (it’s midwestambulance.com) you’ll get this message: “ATTENTION: Please do not call 222-2222 regarding the condition of Bret “Hit Man” Hart. Contact the WWE for updates. Our number is for emergency calls only. Thank you.” This, my friends, is why we don’t brag in public about wrestling fans. Some people are…wait for it…STUPID~! Of course, I think it’s absolutely hilarious too. Wow. Just wow.

They announced that Bret would be there next week. The guest hosts for that show are Cheech & Chong. I’m sure all the potheads are loving that. Too bad CM Punk’s not on Raw. Also next week we get Orton vs. Dibiase.

John Cena d. Batista via DQ (NR)
Not a match. Batista took forever to get out there and immediately kneed Cena in the groin. DQ finish. Cena gets the title match. After it was over, Batista beat the hell out of him. It was a long, physical beating that really put over Batista’s heel character. I’m loving him as a heel. So much better as a face. It’s not even close. Cena kept on getting up, so Batista kept on knocking him down. Cena got out of the ring, Dave was about to leave, but instead got a chair. He hit Cena in the back with the chair repeatedly until Cena couldn’t get up anymore. If this was ten years ago they would have him hit Cena in the head two or three times. It’s a good thing they’ve smartened up. No need to cause concussions for that. They can do the same angle this way while being safe.

The show ended with Batista celebrating on the stage with the story being that he wants to beat Cena at WrestleMania to prove he’s the best. It’s a fresh match especially with Batista’s heel character being so good. He’s a good opponent for Cena at WM.

Three Stars of the Show
1. That HBK/Undertaker video package – Love WWE’s production team!
2. Big Show – I have an unwritten rule that states any time somebody acts afraid of a mechanical bull they get a star. He’s in.
3. Evan Bourne – He barely wins. He’s in.

7 out of 10
Last week: 4

Much better show after last week’s disaster. The guest hosts were kept to one really bad segment as opposed to multiple ones, which is fine. The key to Raw being good in 4 of the last 5 weeks is that they’ve limited the roles of the guest hosts. Don’t overexpose them and I’m cool with them.

There wasn’t much wrestling on the show. It was under 20 minutes total. However, I liked the storyline progression involved in the Jericho/Edge, Michaels/Taker, Orton/Dibiase/Rhodes and Batista/Cena. They all were really well done, I thought.

Remember last week when I ended the column by saying I missed HBK. This week you know who I missed? Hornswoggle. Okay, not really. There was no Sheamus or HHH on the show as both were selling their beatings in the Chamber. I didn’t mind that at all.

At WreslteMania 26 we’re getting Edge/Jericho for the World Title, Cena/Batista for the WWE Title and Undertaker/Michaels in a Streak vs. Career match. None of this should be that new because I’ve been writing about all of them for months. I’m just glad it’s official so I don’t have to answer any more emails asking me if I was sure about these matches. I like all of them too. Should be a lot of fun.

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Note: If you’re looking for Commentfest you can find it by clicking RIGHT HERE. I posted it as of Tuesday at 8pmET.
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Thanks for reading.

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